I’m taking part in a pitch-ilicious blog hop contest by posting a 3-line pitch for my novel. Comments are welcome!
Eighteen-year old Keira Wilde is determined to make her own plans for her future, thank you very much. She wants to be a photographer; not go to Oxford, like her parents want, or be a hero, like her aunt wants. But Keira’s plans go flying out of the window when she is attacked on the streets of London and her fury sends ripples through the Akasha, setting a war in motion.
Update: Thanks everyone for your comments! Here is my next attempt. (PS, this is a YA urban fantasy novel.)
Eighteen-year old Keira Wilde is determined to make her own plans for her future, thank you very much, despite her parents’ demands. But Keira’s plans go flying out of the window when she is attacked on the streets of London and her fury sends ripples through the Akasha, setting a war in motion. After her mentor is killed in battle, guilt and a raging need for revenge drive Keira to join the enigmatic Marco Santana and his crew of survivors to find the source of all knowledge and prevent the fabric of time from unraveling.
Africa to Asia 
#1 by Bree on April 19, 2012 - 10:03 am
Sounds pretty cozy. I’m curious about how or why Kiera’s aunt wants her to be a hero. I like the attitude feel in the first sentences though and the ‘ripples through the Akasha’ which to me, indicates otherworldly repercussions.- but I’d like to have a hint of what they are, and what kind of challenges that may set up for her. Also, what is the attack about? What kind of attack and for what reasons, if they are related to anything bigger in the story?
#2 by InsideJourneys (@InsideJourneys) on April 19, 2012 - 10:17 am
Would love to hear more about Kiera.
#3 by heather webb on April 19, 2012 - 7:15 pm
Hi Celia,
I’ve made few changes to your first sentence, but I deleted the second. It’s not that important in the grand scheme of your book and you only have a short three sentences to tempt us. For your third sentence, think about these questions: A war between whom? Who is after Keira and how do her powers complicate things? What becomes Keira’s goal?
1. Eighteen-year old Keira Wilde is determined to make her own plans for her future, thank you very much, despite her parents’ demands.
2.But Keira’s plans go flying out of the window when she is attacked on the streets of London and her fury sends ripples through the Akasha, setting a war in motion.
3. Pull it all together! 🙂
You’re off to a great start. I’m interested in this book already by the voice and the fact that it’s set in London. 🙂
#4 by Nancy Moloney on April 20, 2012 - 5:36 am
A very adventurous 18-year old! I would like a little more of a tease about her adventures after the attack. I love anything about a young woman finding out about herself.
#5 by Celia on April 20, 2012 - 8:34 am
Thanks everyone for your comments. It is amazing what difference fresh eyes make. Thanks to Heather for arranging this, it was very helpful 🙂
#6 by successbmine on April 20, 2012 - 10:45 am
“She wants to be a photographer; not go to Oxford, like her parents want, or be a hero, like her aunt wants.” I think I would take out “like her parents want” and “like her aunt wants”. That leaves “She wants to be a photographer, not go to Oxford or be a hero.”
(I tried twice already to post my notice on Heather’s blog and it still doesn’t show up. I don’t know what’s going on.)
#7 by D. D. Falvo on April 21, 2012 - 10:50 am
I got here after your revision and enjoyed the extra details. I do have a few questions: are the shockwaves metaphorical or does she have a supernatural ability? I thought maybe metaphorical, but then I read the bit about the fabric of time . . . well, that caught my attention b/c I’m a fantasy freak. Also I like the voice (tone). I don’t know what Akasha is (But I’m not a Londoner.) I think you can cut “guilt and raging need” b/c I assume that emotion with just the word “revenge”–that last bit has the catchiest info for me, so you really want to keep it as snappy as you can get it.
My suggestion:
Eighteen-year old Keira Wilde is determined to make her own plans for her future, thank you very much, despite her parents’ demands. But Keira’s plans go flying out of the window when she is attacked on the streets of London and her fury sets a (what kind? Describe type, e.g.: wizard’s war or a civil war) war in motion. After her mentor is killed in battle, revenge drives Keira to join the enigmatic Marco Santana and his crew of survivors to find the source of all knowledge and prevent the fabric of time from unraveling.
Your book sounds like a great read. 🙂
#8 by Carrie-Anne on April 21, 2012 - 11:52 am
I think the updated version is much stronger, and agree with the suggestion to leave out “guilt and a raving need.” I’m also curious about if the shockwaves are literal or metaphorical.