Posts Tagged writing
I am reposting this, well, because I can’t think of anything else and the jokes are just so damn funny.
One of the joys of having Writer’s Block (work with me people, I’m trying to be positive here) is that you can surf the internet for hours without feeling guilty about ‘wasting time’. After all, I am looking for inspiration. Right?
There are of course those people who never suffer from this malaise and continue to write anything from 1000 to 15000 words per day. I want to state for the record that they are either lying or from Mars.
In my attempt to see the lighter side of this
catastrophic interesting situation, I found some jokes on the Net and am copying it shamelessly sharing it on my blog, since I don’t have an original thought in my brain at this time. (Not that I am bitter or anything … seriously, I’m not … ok, I am … STOP STARING!)
A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”
A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”
“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is–”
“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”
I took part in a bloghop the other day. “What is a bloghop?” you might ask, because I sure didn’t know how it worked or what to do. So it was with some trepidation that I jumped in at the deep end and joined the wonderful Indie Writers Unite! New Year’s Bloghop.
Here is what I learned:
1. A bloghop happens when a group of people get together to host an online party. Yay! Someone sets up a main/central site which lists all the participants’ blogs, the grand prizes and what visitors have to do to win those prizes. (Here is the link to the NY Hop so you can see an example: IWU’s NY Bloghop.)
2. You get more visitors to everyone’s blogs if you have prizes. A bit more on that:
– All participants can club together to raise money for more expensive prizes like a Kindle or Amazon vouchers (to be advertised on the main site/blog). The person in charge of buying prizes can collect the money via PayPal;
– Participants can also offer prizes on their own blogs, such as goodie bags or free books.
3. Be sure to advertise a few days before that you are hosting a giveaway on your blog which will start on a certain date. Tell people what they can win.
4. Check your budget. Can you afford to send prizes internationally? If not, state clearly that it is only open to residents of the country you live in. Or give people e-copies of your book.
5. Make sure your post is written and looking good before the hop starts. Check that all the links are working. Schedule its publishing for the exact time the hop starts – you don’t want people visiting your blog and not finding the promised give-away.
6. Make sure your post goes on your blog’s front page. Don’t make people search for it because they probably won’t and move on.
7. Don’t make visitors jump through too many hoops to qualify for the prizes. People are doing you a favor by visiting your blog, so don’t make them write a ten page essay or something.
8. Things you could ask visitors to do to qualify:
– ‘Like’ your book on Amazon;
– ‘Like’ your Facebook page;
– Subscribe to your blog updates;
– Leave a comment on your blog post;
– Name a character from the book you are promoting, etc.
9. Rafflecopter is a nice tool to help manage your giveaway. Remember, if you’re using WordPress.com you can’t include the widget in your post, only a link that will take visitors to a separate page where they will answer the questions you included, which is still cool.
10. The more people you have participating in the bloghop, the more time consuming it will be. After all, you have to visit everyone’s blogs and comment/vote/answer questions. For me this was totally worth it as I met so many new authors and even won a prize or two! Besides, the payback is all the new visitors to your own blog.
11. Interact with people who have left comments and thank them for visiting. Do NOT spam people once they’ve subscribed to your blog. This is the quickest way to make them unfollow you.
12. Let the winners know as soon as the hop is over and send them their prizes. Don’t drag it out.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you taken part in bloghops before and learned something new?